Insights to me

My husband and I were watching a movie tonight , P.S.I Love You...great movie by the way, and while watching this woman try to find herself again after the loss of her husband, I began thinking. I would NEVER EVER want to know what that's like, first of all...but the part about finding herself again....I can totally relate to that.

I don't know about the rest of the moms around here, but once I was married and became a mother, there were parts of me that seemed to slowly vanish. My love for certain things, my fears, my dreams...everything changed, and somewhere between wife and mom, I lost "Jeanne". For example, I LOVE to read!!! One of my most favorite things growing up was to get lost in a great book, covered up in a warm blanket on my bed just before bed, so I had something wonderful to imagine and dream about. Now I'm lucky if I can read through 2 pages before my eyes blur out and I fall asleep from exhaustion.

I love movies about the past, such as Pride and Prejudice (yes I know it was a book first, but I loved the movie because I could get more involved with the characters.) I watch it all the time till I fall asleep on nights when Quincy has to go out of town, or when I was healing form my last c-section. I admire the things that they taught their daughters back then. They learned foreign languages (because they wanted to, not merely to pass high school) , they played an instrument, they sewed, cooked, and did some form of art anything from painting to sculpting. They were well read, strong, intelligent women.....now we're taught to be better than men at what we do, or treated like we are unemployed because we choose to be "just a house wife and a stay at home mom".

I love to write! I was once a very good story teller, and had a very vivid imagination. I have stories up the ying yang that I'd love to share about the kids and our lives, but when would I have the time to write it? I can barely keep up with email and a blog page!

I love music. I can play the clarinet and the alto sax, but my passion was always singing. I love to sing and make people happy. It releases my stress like nothing else I've ever known, but now I don't really do it that much or I try to do it softly so no one else hears me. No , I'm not horrible, I just do it for myself. I once wanted to sing professionally, but then I decided that I REALLY wanted to be a wife and a good mother, and a life on the road wouldn't work...so I let that dream escape me. Though I still to this day can not go to a concert and not wish to know what it felt like to be up there!

I am a total romantic! What woman isn't, right? But seriously, I have been trying for years to make our room a special haven for us, and just somewhere where we could be intimate without all "that" stuff...but when you are fishing through baby clothes, bottles, cries and whines, and diapers (yes, in my room!!) it just doesn't quite work out the way you hoped. Yes, I was always a sucker for the guy with the right words...thankfully I was smart enough to know "stuff" when I smelled it!!

I love the outdoors....fishing especially. I used to go camping and fishing every summer when I was younger. My dad and I got closer to each other without really having to talk to each other. We'd find a lake, a good spot, throw our lines out and wait together....not saying hardly anything to each other all day, and would come home feeling like we'd accomplished something together. Weird, I know, but I was once a daddy's girl.

Now, I love my family! I love my husband with all I have! We bicker and such, but in the end, I couldn't handle life without him. Our children are my world!! I literally revolve around them on a daily basis! I couldn't imagine not one day without them. I can't leave overnight without checking on them , talking about them, buying something for them...I live for them all!

So there you have it....this is me....and hopefully one day the "wife and mother" will collide with "Jeanne" and we'll all get to see the full package!