It's official...I'm a soccer mom!

Three of my girls signed up for AYSO soccer today!! I am officially a "soccer mom" and I even have the van for the sticker!!! :) Ashlynn will be playing in the "little league" of soccer with the 5 year olds 3 on 3. And Hannah and Gracey will be playing the next step up (still only fundamentals) together on the same team. Thankfully that should make the trucking around for practices and games a little easier for us.

I am a little anxious only because, juggling school for myself, homework for both them and myself, practices, games, and whatever else the Lord throws at us in the process!!! Anyone who knows us, knows that our plans are never as smoothly fulfilled as we would like...it's all a part of being a big family with big dreams, and big circumstances!

Today was a great day!!

Today was a great day for the kids! Hunter played a game today and he FINALLY GOT IT!!! He stayed in the box, held his head up, watched the pitcher and swung like he meant it ! (missed, but that's a minor detail) He even chased after the ball in the out field instead of running and ducking from it! He had an awesome game, and we are making sure he knows it! I can't begin to explain, since I know not everyone has the same issues we do with our kids, but for me....

when I see one of my kids do something they've been struggling to do for a long time and they start becoming discouraged....then all of the sudden, one day IT CLICKS!!! And though it may not seem like success to some because he missed the ball...you have no idea what it took for him to get in that batters box again (he's been hit 4 times now by the pitches).

Way to go Bubba! Mama is very proud of you!

A ray of hope....

In my class last night, there was a guest speaker who happens to have some of the same processing difficulties (or learning disabilities) as my son, and he after a hard road through school, is now a child psychologist at one of our local schools here in town and has been for 5 years. Now to some, this seems like it's just another typical testimonial for a class speaker to give....but for me, this is a ray of hope!!!

I can look at my kids and see that there is a way through this struggle, and there is a light at the end of this tunnel. They will be able to function on their own and there is a place in this society for them to achieve and accomplish whatever dreams they may have. It gave me hope to a solution, but more than that it gave me a drive to keep looking for the best way for them to learn!!

Ever had one of those days???

I am having a "mama day" today. One of those days where I am overwhelmed and I am picking myself and my circumstances apart...not healthy, I know. But I'm doing it none the less. I know that I am a good mom, and I do take care of my kids, but I KNOW I could do so much better for them. Seriously, I can. But I find myself getting started and doing good with schedules and things for 2 weeks, and all of the sudden somewhere down the line, I just lose momentum and I stop. Most days I wake up, I look around, and even though I know what I need to get done, I drag my feet. I look around and I feel defeated before I even get started. This isn't a "pity me" party, really...it's more that I'm pissed at myself for allowing myself to get behind and lose that drive. I can't afford to do that. My kids can't afford for me to do that.

I love my kids more than anything, and to think that I could ever be disappointed with them, kills me! I had an image in my mind of the life I wanted for my kids, and now I'm happy if I can teach them to read and do basic math, let alone making friends and playing sports. Between tantrums and uncontrolled behaviors, to potty training pitfalls and homework duties...I have had one heck of a week and I am so tired and stressed out! I can't even begin to tell you how many meltdowns I've had, or nights I've cried myself to sleep. You know it's been a bad week when you cry over changing a poopy diaper.

I was watching my son playing Baseball tonight, and I just started crying by myself. Kids are mean to him and pick on him, and he has no clue it's not a good thing. Maybe it's a blessing that he doesn't know any better, but for me, it's torture. I can only control my own kid. I can't control parents, players, or people watching the game. All I have control over is my kid...and people have NO IDEA what I go through with my kids. Then to see someone being mean to them....ahhhh, no ya don't!

I know when people see us out in public, especially when it's just me with all the kids, that I am looked at as being an over bearing parent. I do get on my kids alot and I keep them on a short leash, but you would too if you've been through what we have. Molestations, turning on the gas pilots on the stove, closing herself in a dryer to play hide and seek (no one else was playing with her), walking out the front door because she thought it was time to go (at 10pm)...YES I AM PARANOID, but wouldn't you be?? I set boundaries everywhere we go for playing areas, eating areas, you name it. They are not allowed too far away from me. I mean let's face it, there are 8 of them and 1 of me. Do the math. If one takes off one way and another the other way....what does mom do? I hate that I am an unapproachable person in public. I don't get to mingle or be an adult unless I have a babysitter with me. I am just simply "that mom with all those kids" or "that pushover parent that needs to discipline her unruly kids". That's how it feels. These are things that are said or felt, and honestly, it sucks. I want to make friends with other parents and get to know more people around me, but the truth of the matter is, above all else....I'm a mom! I have to take care of them and that means I have to ignore others and sometimes I have to yell ALOT! But without structure, my kids would not be able to function. A world without rules and boundaries is a prison full of torture to them. So, too bad. I guess I just have to deal, and so does everyone else.

I mainly get upset thinking about how I can't change things for them. I can't make them "normal" kids. I can't set them up every step of their lives. And unfortunately I know that at some point if I can't help them overcome their fears, they will lose out later on in life when things like sports become more than just having fun and playing a game. When it becomes a matter of skill....will my kids make it or not?Even though they love the game and want nothing more than to play, will they get too? Do they have a fair chance at a great life? But most importantly, am I going to do EVERYTHING I can to insure that they get the chance to try for themselves and prove the world wrong about "special kids"????

I'm sure gonna try!!!! Even on "mama days".

Hurting for a friend

I recently found out that a fellow "multiple mom" is getting separated from her husband, and it pains me to think about them both. We knew each other growing up, and to be honest, I remember him more than her. But as time went on and our paths crossed again, I became friends with her once again. I have 8 kids, and although it's more then 3....it's just as hard as 3! Especially when you have medical issues or learning issues on top of your regular daily chaos. It's not easy for any of us, but we all do it none the less.

I just really want to send my heart felt prayers and hope to both of them and tell them that I believe everything will work itself out the way God wants it to. The kids know that they are loved immensely by both of you, and I'm sure that the two of you can raise them together, though separate, just fine. If you need anything, even though you think I can't do much because of my own situation...please don't hesitate to ask. I can be here for you and the kids if you need me. Quincy and I are always willing to help wherever we can.

Love you both very much.

Great Experience

Today I went to Summerwind Elementary and observed a very sweet friend of mine in her 1st grade class. She has a deaf student and 2 other students with other learning diabilities. I enjoyed watching her teaching style and seeing how the interpreter and Darlene interacted adn helped her students. I want to go back as soon as possible. I'll write more later, but for now, I am WIPED OUT!!

Freaking Out...

I always knew having one kid on the spectrum was going to be difficult, but now I have 3!! Thankfully, 2 of them are high functioning, which you would think should make my life a little easier, right? Not even close.

Kirsten is having bowel issues, which I'm sorry to those of you who are really sensitive about this stuff, but one of the first things you learn about autism is..."it's in the poop". She can't have, or shouldn't have gluten (wheat) or casein (dairy). I have her on a special diet most of the time, but I have allowed her to splurge quite a bit (mostly out of guilt...GFCF food is NOT tasty!! not to us anyway).

So, anyway, tonight Kiki comes in my room and tells me "can't sleep", what she neglects to tell me is she has just pooped her pull up, dropped it on my carpet and come into my room butt naked with only a shirt on looking for a clean place to sleep on my floor. This is not only the 3rd time in 24 hours that she has had an accident (mind you she is toilet trained outside of bed time due to sleeping meds, at which point she wears a pull up). I get up to clean her after the stench catches up to my sinuses, only to find I have stepped in poop and it has been tracked from her little spot in the living room, and through the hallway as well. Thankfully, my husband wakes up to my freaking out at her in the living room and comes to help clean the carpet so I can give Kiki a bath and get her back to bed.

Now, no one panic! I freaked out because Saturday (less than 2 days ago), Quincy and I just shampooed the carpet and cleaned the upholstery on our couch and chairs because of her urine and bowel issues at bed time!! I realize that this is NOT her fault, and so my freaking out is mostly me fussing at her about throwing the dirty pull up on the floor. That much she does know not to do! It's her way of trying to hide the fact that she had an accident. She throws the pull up in the trash, or the panties under a blanket or piece of clothing from the laundry so we can't SEE what she's done....not like I can't smell it though.

I struggle SO MUCH when it comes to her. I know she doesn't always understand, and I know she doesn't always mean to do bad things...but I'm telling you, it wears on your nerves and it stresses you out as a mom!!

Prime example....
Last Wednesday, I take Kiki and Hunter to get their eyes checked. Mind you, i have thoroughly warned the staff that these 2 children are autistic, and one of them is pretty moderate to severe and may not comply. So of the 2 doctors available, they give us the one who has the personality of a pea! He has absolutely no personality towards kids at all. My son picked up the little plastic thing from his desk that you cover one eye with (which you would think shouldn't be a problem since he's going to use it in a minute anyway right?) and the doctor is saying over and over, "please, please, please don't touch anything. please don't touch my things." Oh boy! Here we go!!!

He proceeds to test Hunter, who has the smallest attention span ever right now, and can't focus on following the tip of a pen to save his life. The doctor is getting frustrated, and tells me he thinks he sees some small issue with his sight but can't make a thorough exam or decision and feels we should try again in a year when he is "better able to sit still and concentrate on instructions given to him". (excuse me sir, you do realize that this condition may not change? That he is autistic, not just being noncompliant...right?) So Hunter begins to cry and throw a little melt down my way because he REALLY wants new glasses like his other 2 sisters just got last week!

While he sits in the corner having his melt down, Kiki and I "sit the chair" to do her exam. She was hesitant but all in all did very well considering that she doesn't like people in her facial space AT ALL! The doctor once again getting frustrated and it's noticeable in his voice, that she will not follow through with his commands. She is trying to, but you have to understand, she isn't a person who lets anyone in her personal space except a select few, and well an eye doctor isn't one of those people on her chosen list! She finishes and ends up needing glasses...NOW HUNTER REALLY GETS MAD!!

We walk out, Kiki picks pretty pink frames and is loving herself in the mirror wearing her new glasses, while Hunter, in the lobby area with us, is freaking out and crying hysterically because I "won't get him glasses". I try to explain why it's a good thing NOT to get glasses , but ya know at 7, all that matters is that everyone else got them and you didn't. He continues to cry louder and starts smarting off to me (which is a BIG NO NO and he knows this). I threaten him in his ear that if he doesn't watch his mouth and stop throwing his fit, I will swat his tail and he will lose TV privileges (which might as well be death to him! He loves his TV). He finally calms down a little.

Mean while sis is trying on her new glasses getting the prescription filled out and letting the lady mark what needs marking and asking her questions..then all of the sudden..the lady takes Kiki's new glasses off her face, and walks away with them (to order the prescription of course and have me pay for them) and 1,2, 3..."MOOOOOOOM!!! SHE TAKE MY GLASSES!!! NO SHE GIVE THEM BACK!! MINE MAMA! MINE!! GIVE IT BACK!" in the front lobby with a room full of people who just watched my son do the same thing to me over NOT getting glasses! I am mortified! She drops herself to the floor, refusing to walk or leave without her new glasses. I have to pick her up in my arms (50 lber) and grab Hunter by the arm, as he begins to yell at me again because "NO! WE CAN'T GO YET! I DIDN'T GET MY GLASSES MAMA!" and everyone there is not only staring at me, but now they're whispering! (probably thinking either 1) Beat those kids so they'll shut up! or 2) Someone call the cops, there's about to be a murder in progress! Neither of which are true thoughts!)

So here I am carrying one, dragging the other, both screaming in tow in the parking lot of a very busy shopping center. We get to the car, and Kirsten tries to run out into the parking lot to go back to the store for her glasses. Hunter gets in yelling at me for not letting him get his glasses and liking Kiki better than him. (love that one right) We start to leave in the car, and the only thing I can do to stop this insanity is get them a slushy and take them to see Dad at work! (I know never reward bad behavior, but seriously folks, I needed them to shut up right then or I was going to lose it!)

So you see where my freakish behavior comes from?? People in public see us and when things like this happen, have NO consideration for it. It's automatic that people think these kids are spoiled rotten brats and need to be beaten...when in all honesty, the kids just don't understand what's going on and they can't express that except through a tantrum...lucky me! Hunter doesn't realize that having perfect vision is great!! And kiki still thinks that chick stole her glasses and reminds me daily to go pick them up, "they're clean now Mama. Go get them for me?" She has no idea that the lady was trying to help her get the right prescription, all she knows is the lady took her glasses away from her, and she's ticked about it.

Between this, and then now the whole pooping thing this week....I'm spent! I am stressed, and I need a really good message...FOR FREE!!! hahaha. Needless to say, it's been a hard week, and tonight was just the cherry on top of a sundae of chaos.

So it's been forever.....

Ok, so it's been forever since I've blogged anything, and I am sorry to those of you who actually checked it from time to time. I have had a very looooong year, and 2009 doesn't look to be any easier. BUT I AM UP FOR THE CHALLENGE

The kids are growing like weeds. Hunter is in Baseball for his first year on the Angels. He is learning the game so it has been an interesting journey for us, filled with ups, downs, and lots of laughs!! But hey! That's my kid!

The triplets are 6 1/2 yrs old and are getting ready to move up into 1st grade! I can not believe that they are growing up so fast! We've had 2 of them have lost their bottom front 2 teeth at the same time! Hannah's aren't even loose yet, but that's ok...the tooth fairy's running short on cash these days.

Ashlynn is turning 5 yrs old this week! I'm in shock over this one! My "mini me" is going to be starting Kindergarden and soccer in just a few short months! Insane!!! (but if you are counting, that's 5 kids in school in August :)~

The twins are just as funny as ever. Sophia still won't test when we need her too, yet she's as smart as can be! Still the boss of her twin sister. Jocelyn is quite the ray of sunshine too! Always has something cute to say and is as active as ever! The two together are alot of fun...orr mischeif, depending of course on the day.

Then last, but not least, there's Aniessa...aka "Lil Mo". She is 18 months now (I know can you believe that?) and she is about 1 1/2" shorter than her 3 yr old twin sisters, and weighs about 3-4 lbs less. She's starting to talk, and speaking her mind! No, don't and stop, are her most frequently used words (wonder why?) But she is a very happy, very independent, Mama's girl!!

And of course, then there's QUincy and I. He is still the silliest guy I know, and is always keeping me smiling (even when I don't want to be). I am finishing up my 2nd semester of school right now and getting ready to take on more this Summer. I am going for my degree this time, and even through all the "stuff" we've been dealing with, I am still going to do this! I have a dream to do something special, and unheard of, and I am just trusting that it's going to happen!

Quincy is thinking about returning to school with me. With the way things are economically, we figure we should make sure we have options if we need them later, and a degree will definately help us in that area later on in life.

Well, lunch time is creeping up on me, so i will return again soon. I've missed you all!