Freaking Out...

I always knew having one kid on the spectrum was going to be difficult, but now I have 3!! Thankfully, 2 of them are high functioning, which you would think should make my life a little easier, right? Not even close.

Kirsten is having bowel issues, which I'm sorry to those of you who are really sensitive about this stuff, but one of the first things you learn about autism is..."it's in the poop". She can't have, or shouldn't have gluten (wheat) or casein (dairy). I have her on a special diet most of the time, but I have allowed her to splurge quite a bit (mostly out of guilt...GFCF food is NOT tasty!! not to us anyway).

So, anyway, tonight Kiki comes in my room and tells me "can't sleep", what she neglects to tell me is she has just pooped her pull up, dropped it on my carpet and come into my room butt naked with only a shirt on looking for a clean place to sleep on my floor. This is not only the 3rd time in 24 hours that she has had an accident (mind you she is toilet trained outside of bed time due to sleeping meds, at which point she wears a pull up). I get up to clean her after the stench catches up to my sinuses, only to find I have stepped in poop and it has been tracked from her little spot in the living room, and through the hallway as well. Thankfully, my husband wakes up to my freaking out at her in the living room and comes to help clean the carpet so I can give Kiki a bath and get her back to bed.

Now, no one panic! I freaked out because Saturday (less than 2 days ago), Quincy and I just shampooed the carpet and cleaned the upholstery on our couch and chairs because of her urine and bowel issues at bed time!! I realize that this is NOT her fault, and so my freaking out is mostly me fussing at her about throwing the dirty pull up on the floor. That much she does know not to do! It's her way of trying to hide the fact that she had an accident. She throws the pull up in the trash, or the panties under a blanket or piece of clothing from the laundry so we can't SEE what she's done....not like I can't smell it though.

I struggle SO MUCH when it comes to her. I know she doesn't always understand, and I know she doesn't always mean to do bad things...but I'm telling you, it wears on your nerves and it stresses you out as a mom!!

Prime example....
Last Wednesday, I take Kiki and Hunter to get their eyes checked. Mind you, i have thoroughly warned the staff that these 2 children are autistic, and one of them is pretty moderate to severe and may not comply. So of the 2 doctors available, they give us the one who has the personality of a pea! He has absolutely no personality towards kids at all. My son picked up the little plastic thing from his desk that you cover one eye with (which you would think shouldn't be a problem since he's going to use it in a minute anyway right?) and the doctor is saying over and over, "please, please, please don't touch anything. please don't touch my things." Oh boy! Here we go!!!

He proceeds to test Hunter, who has the smallest attention span ever right now, and can't focus on following the tip of a pen to save his life. The doctor is getting frustrated, and tells me he thinks he sees some small issue with his sight but can't make a thorough exam or decision and feels we should try again in a year when he is "better able to sit still and concentrate on instructions given to him". (excuse me sir, you do realize that this condition may not change? That he is autistic, not just being noncompliant...right?) So Hunter begins to cry and throw a little melt down my way because he REALLY wants new glasses like his other 2 sisters just got last week!

While he sits in the corner having his melt down, Kiki and I "sit the chair" to do her exam. She was hesitant but all in all did very well considering that she doesn't like people in her facial space AT ALL! The doctor once again getting frustrated and it's noticeable in his voice, that she will not follow through with his commands. She is trying to, but you have to understand, she isn't a person who lets anyone in her personal space except a select few, and well an eye doctor isn't one of those people on her chosen list! She finishes and ends up needing glasses...NOW HUNTER REALLY GETS MAD!!

We walk out, Kiki picks pretty pink frames and is loving herself in the mirror wearing her new glasses, while Hunter, in the lobby area with us, is freaking out and crying hysterically because I "won't get him glasses". I try to explain why it's a good thing NOT to get glasses , but ya know at 7, all that matters is that everyone else got them and you didn't. He continues to cry louder and starts smarting off to me (which is a BIG NO NO and he knows this). I threaten him in his ear that if he doesn't watch his mouth and stop throwing his fit, I will swat his tail and he will lose TV privileges (which might as well be death to him! He loves his TV). He finally calms down a little.

Mean while sis is trying on her new glasses getting the prescription filled out and letting the lady mark what needs marking and asking her questions..then all of the sudden..the lady takes Kiki's new glasses off her face, and walks away with them (to order the prescription of course and have me pay for them) and 1,2, 3..."MOOOOOOOM!!! SHE TAKE MY GLASSES!!! NO SHE GIVE THEM BACK!! MINE MAMA! MINE!! GIVE IT BACK!" in the front lobby with a room full of people who just watched my son do the same thing to me over NOT getting glasses! I am mortified! She drops herself to the floor, refusing to walk or leave without her new glasses. I have to pick her up in my arms (50 lber) and grab Hunter by the arm, as he begins to yell at me again because "NO! WE CAN'T GO YET! I DIDN'T GET MY GLASSES MAMA!" and everyone there is not only staring at me, but now they're whispering! (probably thinking either 1) Beat those kids so they'll shut up! or 2) Someone call the cops, there's about to be a murder in progress! Neither of which are true thoughts!)

So here I am carrying one, dragging the other, both screaming in tow in the parking lot of a very busy shopping center. We get to the car, and Kirsten tries to run out into the parking lot to go back to the store for her glasses. Hunter gets in yelling at me for not letting him get his glasses and liking Kiki better than him. (love that one right) We start to leave in the car, and the only thing I can do to stop this insanity is get them a slushy and take them to see Dad at work! (I know never reward bad behavior, but seriously folks, I needed them to shut up right then or I was going to lose it!)

So you see where my freakish behavior comes from?? People in public see us and when things like this happen, have NO consideration for it. It's automatic that people think these kids are spoiled rotten brats and need to be beaten...when in all honesty, the kids just don't understand what's going on and they can't express that except through a tantrum...lucky me! Hunter doesn't realize that having perfect vision is great!! And kiki still thinks that chick stole her glasses and reminds me daily to go pick them up, "they're clean now Mama. Go get them for me?" She has no idea that the lady was trying to help her get the right prescription, all she knows is the lady took her glasses away from her, and she's ticked about it.

Between this, and then now the whole pooping thing this week....I'm spent! I am stressed, and I need a really good message...FOR FREE!!! hahaha. Needless to say, it's been a hard week, and tonight was just the cherry on top of a sundae of chaos.